This is a journal my wife kept of conversations she had with her mother during the period of Aug 3, 2011 to Oct 2013 following her mother's death on July 24, 2011.
Marie had a gift of being able to channel messages from the other side and she had a business called Soul Visions, helping people with that gift. Her dream was to publish a book with guidance from the spirit world but her health failed her before she could do that and she died on June 2, 2016 of kidney disease.
This book is to honor her memory and keep that dream she had. The contents are as she wrote it, with the occasional spelling correction.

Explanitory Notes: Her mother was an avid quilt maker. Ruthie and Elaine are Marie's older sisters. Amanda and Cheryl are neices. Stanny was Marie's kidney organ donor. Marie's Dad died of kidney disease at the age of 57 when she was 12. Some names have been removed by request.

Written by Marie Ripley, age 56, youngest child of Ruth Ripley, of Port Howe, N.S. who died at age 94 on Jul. 24, 2011.

My childhood memories

(beginning at back of book)

Aug. 3/11

I'm staying at mum's trailer with my brother Bill and Moya. (Visitation at funeral home Jul 27. Funeral was Jul 28.) I was in the kitchen organizing framed photos from mum's room, to take home with me to Vancouver. While looking at the photo professionally taken of her in the blue dress, she said:

“I haven't forgotten you”. (I felt subtle energy around me.) “I had a hard time saying I love you. Just keep getting well. Give Ken all your love. He's a good man. Nothing's much different here. Quilting is easier than ever. Don't worry – you've got lots of time left. Remember your old mum.

(I said “I'm so glad you were able to talk to me. Will you be able to again?”)

I don't know, I don't know how it works.” “I'm right beside you. Never closer. Everyone thinks they're going to heaven but nobody knows what it's like. I feel like I'm still with you every day.” I said : (did you see your funeral and visitation and sweets? - they made the ones you loved.”) “I don't miss much. It's sort of like watching a movie.” “No one can imagine. You love everyone – it's so easy. When you let go of your body, the light gives you a boost right away – it's such a relief. There are many people here – it's just great. Listen with your heart and you know right away who you're going to hit it off with. Don't worry about me. I'm never lonely. It's great fun. It is the most beautiful place.”

Aug 4/11

Louise told me that mum said “I wish Marie could come. I know she can't but I wish she could.” she asked Burton to make sure my airfare was paid from her money if I could make it. I was crying in her bed where I was sleeping for the time in Port Howe. I was upset about not making it before she died (due to health and kidney transplant). She told me “Don't cry. I'm right beside you.”

Aug 10/11 Vancouver

(Looking at mum's pic on fridge) She says: “You don't have to grieve for me. You have your own life now. I've had a good life. You fellas have all been so good to me. (What about the time I left the family?) I forgot about that as soon as you came back to us.
You have lots of time. Don't be afraid. There is something special about you the others don't understand. I can see it now more clearly. There is something that connects you to this world even though you are alive in your world.

Some of the beings here seem to know you. They say, “isn't that your daughter, Ruth, who can see past the shield between the worlds?” I am so proud. I wish I had understood before I died. It is very hard to grasp there, but not here. I know there are things you have to do yet you'll be awhile there. You will be amazed when it is time to come this way.

Don't ever be afraid of dying. When you pass into the light everything changes. You're not worried about your body anymore. The Light takes care of everything. You can eat if you want but you don't have to. I like to taste things because they are light and delicious. It's just for fun.

(Mum had told me when I heard from her in N.S. that when I pass I will see her. Time is different. It will seem like a minute from now for her & for me it will be a long time.) You have to be patient. A lot of things will change but it will take time. You will be able to do more things without taking so much out of you. (How do you know?) You can see more here. Like reading a book – you can skip ahead to the next chapter.

Aug 27/11 Ruthie in Vancouver

I'm just here to tell you everything's fine here. There's nothing earth shaking going on. I'm adjusting to the Big Change.
(Ruthie: Is it OK to use quilt top for Amanda or was it meant for someone else?) You go right ahead. I'm happy with that.
I want Ruthie to know that she has never caused me a sad moment in her life. Oh, I know what she'll say but (name removed) was such a joy there was never hard feelings about that. I was never any good at expressing my feelings to you girls. Something just held me back and when I see the younger people with the kids I wish I could have been more expressive. There's nothing here to hold me back now. The whole place is full of love.

(How can you be there & here with us at the same time?) Well you should know. You are doing it now.
(Anything else you wanted to say to us?) I just wanted Ruthie to be at peace & stop thinking about when I was in the hospital. That is like a distant memory now. Life here is like starting fresh and you are all part of me. I wish you could really see how true that is. You might get an idea if you pretend you don't have a body and you are all in my heart and that is really true & not an expression – except my heart is my whole self now.

(Any advice about who to share your messages with?) You can't expect everyone to believe you as it is so hard to understand how it is possible. You have to trust yourself and if others are ready you will have help as you always do when you listen to the Love.
(Have you met others you've known in your life?) Let me see now. I don't seem to be anywhere near where they might be. It hasn't occurred to me to look for them. You are right, Marie, I'm just having a great experience. There isn't the longing here that you have in life because the Love fills you up.

I'm glad you're together (Ruthie & I) and helping each other. I hope you can be happy knowing I'm in such a good place. There is really nothing to worry about – be as happy as you can while you are alive there because once you get here you will realize that nothing was worth worrying about. (Why?) It is hard to show you the answer because you are so sure that you have things to worry about.
You are worried about your kidney not working & having to go on dialysis again. Just say to God: “I don't want that – take that away from me.” (Is it that simple?) Yes!! You have no idea. Just try it and don't look back.

(Can you say anything about Ruthie's concern?) About (name removed):(name removed)is a sensitive person. He needs support to help him talk about his feeling about losing his father and me. Ruthie, if you help him with this, it will help you. So if you know it is a gift to yourself, it will not be a burden (like one more thing to cope with).

I'm going to be around for a while (ha ha) so Ruthie you can ask me for help even if you can't “hear” me as easily as Marie. We can help our loved ones from here if we wish. I'm so pleased with you both (Ruthie and Marie) & that I'm able to talk with you. I am Love (she says instead of I love you).

(Did you help Wendy with picking flowers for me? - she felt a presence directing her). That friend of yours is very bright. I could see her light & that she wanted to help you so I got right involved in arranging the bouquet.

Oct. 16/11

There is nothing to worry about. I am still here when you call me. You know, I can imagine you would miss me but it seems strange to me because I haven't really left you. (what is that like? I haven't been aware of your presence.) Well, it seems to me that whenever I think of the family I am right there with you all. ( Do you mean you are aware of what we are doing or thinking?) Not exactly. The experience is hard to explain because it is different than when I was alive in a body. If I think of you, I can feel your heart and the comfort of knowing we are still connected. It is like a family reunion without anyone needing to travel.

There is so much I wish I could help you with. You have nothing to worry about except that you are worrying. Live as if nothing is wrong with your health as much as possible. I can't see you having any problems with the new kidney in the future. What the Dr. said makes no difference. There is so much they don't know. The naming of a condition doesn't mean it will get worse. You are asking God for help and he hears you. Your faith is what matters. You have to turn to God for everything. You have to be an example of the rest of the family. If you can stand tall in the face of everything you have been through, it gives others hope to get through their trials.

Bless you, dear. Never give up. Keep going with your plan to restore your health so that you can contribute to help others with the gifts God has given you. The more you believe it is still possible, the easier it will be. (I saw her dissolving into me) this is how it is. We are all one.

Oct 21/11

I can hear you call me. There is so much I wish you could understand. I don't know why but there are many angels around you. They are ready to help you become well. (Do I need to ask them to help?) The more you ask, the more they can help because you are directing your life. There are many things they can't get involved with unless you ask.

I'm very pleased that you want to talk with me. It is really amazing to be able to do this. Most people can't hear me. (I wish I could actually “hear” you – I receive your words but not your voice – I suppose you don't need a voice now.) There are many ways to communicate here. Lights and sounds – waves that pass through you that contain a whole story.

I don't want you to tire yourself. I think this is enough for today. (Yes, I'm having trouble focusing my mind to get your words.)
Bless you, dear. Rest now.

Oct 30/11

Dear one, I want to help you to overcome the illness your father & I passed on to you. Nothing is going to prevent it because God is on our side. I want you to trust all the unseen help you have.

(I feel I was guided to a new naturopath close to me. I had stopped going to the other due to long tiring trip. I found the new one by overhearing a conversation at the pool and I think she is helping.)

She is going in the right direction. I know that everything will be fine. You have so much to offer to others. There is tremendous help on this side to make sure that when the time comes to help others, it will not be the strain it was in the past due to your health.
(I'm concerned that it is my ego that wants to so something and maybe I just need to continue my spiritual practice and work on becoming a more loving person.)

That is important too and it will lead you to being ready to help others. Don't doubt yourself. You have gifts for a reason and all the years you have spent honing them will not be in vain. (This brings emotion up and tears to my eyes – my inner voice says it is because my deepest desire is to be Love and share Love to ease the pain of others.)

The Lord is helping you in unseen ways. There is a gift coming your way. Everything you need will be provided. I wish you would go back to that store you love and buy yourself one of those scarves. Consider it a gift from me. ( I didn't want one & wouldn't allow myself to buy on for fear of overspending.)

(My finger involuntarily tapping on cover of this notebook.)

I'm trying to tell you that you won't ever be in the financial problems that you were before you met Ken. He will continue to do well in his new job. Please support him in this even though you are not happy that he is working in the summer. Something is going to come to you that will solve any financial worries. It is not something I can spell out for you but let yourself treat yourself once in a while. It's OK. Let go of worrying about anything because everything is taken care of .

Love your Mum.
(The way I signed this looks like her writing!)

Dec. 11/11 (Focusing inside asking mum to come as if she is far away.)

There's no space between us, Marie. Call when you want & I'll be there. (I was concerned about being able to connect since it has been over a month since I tried.)

Nothing is as important as your healing right now. I am praying “every day” as you would say although no time passes here like on earth. These notes are very important because others benefit from new understanding. For you, what I say of this world is not surprising as you have talked with others who have passed. This connection is important even if we don't say much. It reminds you I have not left you. Prayers from here are more powerful. The angels are backing us up and increasing the Love that helps the prayers work. People hope prayers will be “answered”. This is not a correct understanding. The Love directed to a person is never lost whether it seems a prayer is answered or not. What you want to happen might not but the Love helps in ways you can't see. It is all directed by “the most powerful Love” to help a person in whatever way is possible. You were praying I would stay alive until you could get home but that was not for the best - your energy wasn't strong enough to go thru that part & all the rest too.

Dec 31/11

There is no need to worry. I am still with you. I am happy that the angels are helping you to heal. Nobody knows the blessings that are given from beyond. Use your life wisely for you have been protected many times in many ways so that you will begin your work when the time is right and you are stronger. (How will I know if I'm using my life wisely?) Trust the Voice of Love that speaks to you.
(I miss you. I didn't have enough time with you.) Don't have regrets. This is a time of sharing that we didn't expect.

Dec 12/11

I asked Mum to pray for Diana.
> she said, “she is a pearl. I've known her forever.” I don't think she will live long. You shud prepare yourself.
>Tell her I will pray for her every day.

Guidance: Mum is looking at Diana's life from a point of no time. She is not going quickly in your sense of time.

Feb. 4/12

I'm here. There is nothing to worry about. (re not connecting for almost 2 mo.) God brings us together when the time is right.
Plenty of time left for you to gain strength and go on to help others. I know you are discouraged by all the time it takes to see doctors and look after yourself. Those who have their health don't know how blessed they are and might waste their precious time finding something else to worry about.

The blessings here are endless and we try to pray often that these blessings be passed on to our loved ones. Never give up. Rest now and you will be able to focus on your chores.

Feb 15/12 (inner guidance)

(Your mother is entering a new way of being. She is less attached to who she was as Ruth. Before she merges with the Oneness she will still be available to help you.)

I remember being your mother – the importance of it is lessening. We change quickly here in the Light. There is no need to be attached to who were as a person. That is because the Love here is all that matters. You may think that you will regret losing your identity when you pass on, and fear death. The fear dissolves when you accept the Light which blesses us with peace.

My love for my family is still real as love never dies. It is just the needing to have a role like “mother” that is no longer important. Here we want only to be Love and share love. There is no comparison to love in your world, which can end. Real love never ends.

Marie, the worst is over. The kidney is O.K. The beings of Light will protect you as long as you are willing to follow their direction to complete your work on earth. You can trust your “guidance” as you call it. You are not even aware of what can flow thru you when your health is stable. Take one step at a time and you will one day be ready to receive knowledge that must be shared.

Feb. 16/12

(Elaine wanted me to tell you that the rest of the family is thinking of you.)

I know that is true. Bless their hearts. We had a lot of good times. Give her my love. She is always in my heart as are the others. I come to you, Marie, because you are able to “hear” me. The others are no less dear to me.

Trust your Voice of Love, Marie. Others may experience the Divine as intuition. To the others who may read this, I want to say: Please know that you all have an inner Voice. It may not come to you in words; the more you trust your hunches, the stronger they will get. If you know who is on the phone when you hear it (and mum's not talking about call display!) don't call it coincidence. If you accept it as intuition, these types of things will happen more often – your hunches will help your life go more smoothly when you listen to them.

There is Love inside that wants to help you. If it tries to help you through a hunch and you say “oh, that was nothing” you are closing the door on it. The more you accept that the Love is there to help you, the more it can help you.

Bless you dear. We will talk again.

Mar 20/12

(Lying in bed waking up I saw, in my mind's eye mum standing in the distance smiling and waving at me.) I will be with you as long as you need me.

Apr. 6/12

Give yourself time to recover. You are feeling guilty for watching TV or relaxing with a book. Don't push yourself, even with those things that help you like going to the osteopath. Give yourself a break & postpone your appointment to next month so you can be rested when Ruthie is here.

Apr. 13 – (my inner guidance):

The need to contact mother is less because her need to contact you is less. This is not a reflection on Love for Love endures and continues to assist your life. Mother is basking in the Light and Love of heaven and is coming to realize that Love can direct your life so that all she needs to do for the family is to pray that it be so.

(My emotional self misses her and the more personal connection. At the same time I realize this is a blessing of grace for all concerned.)

May 13/12

(first Mother's Day since mum passed. Feeling sad & lonely & was drawn to look at picture of Mum, Rita, Mama Wood & Blanche Newcombe. As I looked at Mum she spoke to me.)

When I was your age I had a lot of kids. I'm sorry that you are so lonely. (I was so grateful to hear from her and asked if I would be able to again.) We'll have to leave that in God's hands. I came because you needed me so much.

(I went to bed and we “talked” for awhile. This is what I remember. It was more important for me to be present in the experience than to write it down in the moment.)

Mum answered a question that Cheryl had asked – whether she was met by Jesus or relatives who went before. She said no, she was met by Love which felt like fairy dust all around her. The Love was so wonderful that she did not feel any sense of loss of not meeting others. She felt very light and relieved after leaving her body. At first her experience was very similar to earth and she was sewing and quilting and visiting others who were there. Now she says “I am here and everywhere.” I can't grasp this and ask “where are you in relation to where I am?” I think of the story “Horton hears a Who” also a movie, in which a whole community lived on a speck of dust. She said this example is the closest she can come in giving me an idea where she is – as if she is in the same space as me but I can't see her.

She told me as she has in the past that I have so many angels around me that she can't count them all, so if I feel burdened by something trust that I will get through whatever I have to get through.

I have been wanting to go to N.S. this summer but now I feel I just can't push myself to make the trip. Mum says as long as I feel that way, don't go. If I do I will be very tired and it will take a long time to recover.
She said where she is they try out different colors of light to decide which is right for them. It is not choosing a color. It is just a knowing when they sense the right one for them.

Mum saw purple around my new kidney. (June 2010 transplant) She did not know what it meant.

My guidance: Your mother sees a purple aura which indicates the kidney is being protected by the angelic kingdom so that you will strengthen and fulfill your purpose.

Mum said she saw my spiritual masters like brilliant stars.
She told me to be kind to Ken because it is painful for him when I am angry, and he is a good man.

Jun 24/12

(I was meditating and one of my spiritual masters told me mum wanted to speak to me.)
She brought up the fact that when she was pregnant with me she was embarrassed because she thought she was too old at 38. Now she realizes that, even before I was born, I had a purpose for being here. ( I felt disappointed that due to health issues I feel unable to make use of my gifts.) Mum pointed out times I am helping like passing on her messages, and times in the past when I was working with clients and made a difference in their lives. She says when I pray she sees a bright light, and through my prayers I am helping others.

Again she mentioned the great number of helpers I have in the spiritual realm. “You are treasured for your willingness to trust the Great Ones to lead you even though it has sometimes felt like a sacrifice. In this way you are where you need to be at all times. Let go of your idea that you should have been by my side before my death. The Lord knew it would have been too much for your health and guided you accordingly. Your great strength is in listening to the Divine even when this is disappointing to yourself or others. Stanny came to you with the gift of her kidney because like attracts like. She was capable of this only because of her trust in the Lord's voice in her ear.

I love you never forget that. Your Light increases every day through your meditation and breath practice. It is a time of much aloneness and you need this time to adjust to more and more light and to learn to be in the world but not of it.

There is a special cat in this realm who has never stopped loving you. Whenever you think of Ginger she is with you in spirit.

Go now and rest.”

Nov. 2012

I had 3 or 4 dreams in the last few months in which Mum was vibrant and healthy.
This month I was meditating and practicing looking through the spiritual eye and she was in the distance smiling and waving.
She has moved on to another sphere with even more light and joy. It is probably beyond my ability ot connect with her.
Since the last entry, I rec'd from Mum that she still enjoys making pies – no need to buy groceries. Love and thought create.

Oct, 2013

I was feeling discouraged about being fatigued and missing family. I called to Mum wondering if we could still connect. She said when I call, my light goes into the astral realm & she knows it is me. She says my healing is beyond my understanding. Is see only the tip of the iceberg & my healing extends to other dimensions of myself like the iceberg below the water. She has made a vow to help me to make up for not being able to give me what I needed growing up.

Memories from my childhood in N.S.

Marie Ripley

Before Dad died when I was 12, we lived in a big house on a dirt road in Port Howe. The house had belonged to my father's parents and his mother lived with us until she died, when I was under 10 yrs. old.
I have always been sensitive to light. As a child my eyes hurt when we rode in the car. The optometrist said that my eyesight was so good that I could see a fly on a barn in P.E.I.
When quite little I rode my red tricycle around the house as I could make a circle from the kitchen to LR to DR and back to kitchen – round and round I went.
In elementary school, I played games with marbles with other children.
We celebrated with a pile of lobsters in the center of the large DR table when my older siblings came home to visit. No special tools for cracking the lobster claws – a large knife & hammer did the job. (Later, when Mum was alone, she was given a special cracker.) We learned how to eat every morsel except the “old lady” - the term we used for the brain.
(the knife was so well used that it was scooped out in the center of the blade.)
Weekly bath behind the small wood stove in the living room.
Running into Mum and dad's room very excited that the Easter bunny had given me a magic slate which had been left in the LR. (You could press on it with a stylus & lift the plastic sheet to erase.)
One Christmas Aunt Reta, my father's sister, gave me a toy car about 1 ft. long – an unusual gift for a girl at that time. She was an independent woman who had worked and driven a car.
Making mud pies with my sister Ruthie. We decorated them with flowers.
My favorite game by myself – I lined up special buttons, shaped like fruits, i.e. pears and oranges, in rows. I was a single button at the top, like a teacher & her class, or an audience.
(The buttons were in a container with many more buttons.)
- Picking wild mushrooms in the field: also wild strawberries & blueberries.
- Digging clams & razor fish.
- Picking raspberries with Mum from Elaine MacDonalds bushes, bothered by the hornets.
Mum gathered dandelion greens from the lawn to cook.
We had 2 large gardens
- I remember planting seeds. We had squash, cucumber, carrots, potatoes, corn, string beans, tomatoes, beets, lettuce, cabbage.
Root vegetables were stored in the cellar for winter. We had a large freezer in the D.R.
Mum canned and pickled. She kept the jars of food on shelves at the foot of the stairs in the cellar. When she asked me to get one, I would run down quickly grab it & run back – it was dark & dank & spooky.
For a snack Dad would scrape a turnip with a knife until it was soft & mushy, or he would eat lettuce leaves with salt. I remember him sharing these with me.
The raccoons ate our corn so Dad (& older brothers?) killed them. The skins were hanging to dry across from the woodpile on the way to the outdoor toilet. The woodshed was attached to the house so there was no way to prevent passing the raccoon skins, walking between them & the woodpile to the toilet at the end, but in this case also I would scurry quickly past feeling unsettled and not wanting to see the skins. Now it wonder what they were used for. (Gordon says Dad trapped them in the corn patch. He made a mat for between twin beds.)
Mum gave us egg on toast when we were sick, and ginger ale. She cooked on a wood stove and toast was made by holding it on a long fork over the coals, with one of the top covers lifted off.
Mum made a variety of pies – coconut cream, apple, squash, pumpkin, blueberry, lemon meringue. After Dad died, there was only Mum, Ruthie & I at home. Mum treated us to our favorite spice for apple pie putting cinnamon (my favorite) on one side and nutmeg (Ruthie's favorite) on the other side.
Other sweets – soft ginger & chocolate cookies, chocolate cake, date squares, date cookies were made from a round flat pastry with the date filling on top and a pastry lid on top of that with a hole in it showing the filling. Blueberry desert, cinnamon buns with a pastry texture made in a roll & sliced. Mum also made white & whole wheat biscuits and white rolls, bread , stew with dumplings, brown beans, - baked with molasses, creamed peas on toast. Most meals were vegetables with meat, fish or chicken. Elaine would ask for the tail of the chicken if she was home.
When Dad got a good price on a slab of meat or a whole fish, that would be our main protein.
I remember Mum picking bones out of the fish for me. Dad ate dried salt herring for a snack, and chewed balsam gum which he got from the balsam fir tree. He dried seaweed by the wood stove in the kitchen. He scraped raw turnip into mush & gave it to me for a snack.